Wishing
by autumn midnights
Summary: Set during DH. Seamus wishes that things were different; he wishes that he could see Dean again. 'And so he waits and wishes for the day that he can see Dean again, hoping that it comes soon, knowing that it probably won't.' SeamusDean. Rated T for safety. Complete.


_Disclaimer: My name is not J.K. Rowling. Therefore I do not own Harry Potter._

_Author's Note: Written for Lavinia Swire, courtesy of the Gift-Giving Extravaganza. I hope you like it! Also written for the As Strong As We Are United Competition. _

* * *

Seamus pushes himself to a standing position, staring right at Amycus Carrow. Seamus isn't tall, but even still, he has a few inches on the Death Eater. If it were a fair situation, where Seamus had his own wand and the ability to fight back, he knows that he would stand a fighting chance against Carrow, who isn't one of the smarter Death Eaters. It isn't a fair situation, though. Seamus's wand is tucked in Carrow's back pocket, and this isn't a fight. This is detention at Hogwarts, because everything has changed.

"Ya shouldn't 'ave bothered to get up," says Amycus. "Your punishment isn't over yet, boy."

"I'm not scared of you," Seamus says. He's truthful about that; the Carrows don't scare him. He knows they can't do anything too horrible to him. Sure, they can torture him, and that's absolute hell, but they can't hurt him too severely. They don't want to spill too much blood, he knows. They would never kill or severely injure a student. Everyone who has had a detention has been on their feet soon after, sore and roughed up, but not near death. He's no exception.

"Ya should be," Amycus says, and the Cruciatus Curse knocks Seamus flat on his back. He clenches his teeth together, trying to hold in a scream as agony ravages his body, as he writhes and twists under the effects of the curse. There aren't even words to describe this. His entire brain is consumed by the pain, and he tries to think of something else - or someone else - but it doesn't work. It never works. The Cruciatus isn't like the Imperius; it can't be fought.

Amycus Carrow holds the curse for a while, and then leaves. Seamus stays there on the floor for a moment, panting for breath, and then pushes himself up, pain rocketing through his body. Prolonged exposure to the curse leaves the body terribly sore. They've all learned that this year.

He limps his way out of the dungeon, muttering a few choice words under his breath. The walk back to the common room is worst for the Gryffindors and Ravenclaws, whose towers are on the seventh floor. Walking up that many flights of stairs after being tortured for an hour is decidedly not fun, and Seamus winces with every step. He knows that some of the D.A. members will be waiting for him. He knows that Fay will give him a Pain-killing Potion, that Lavender will hug him, that Romilda will ask what he did this time, and that Neville will shake his head, because he thinks Seamus gets in too much trouble.

He appreciates that they're all there for him. He just can't help but notice that somebody - _Dean _- is missing.

They've been friends since first year. They met on the train, sat in a compartment together, and the friendship only grew from there. More than once, they've stayed over each other's houses during the summer, or gone home with each other during the Christmas holidays. Seamus is more than happy to consider Dean his best friend, and he knows Dean feels the same way.

For a while, he was content with that. And then, at the Yule Ball, he caught himself staring at Dean while dancing with Lavender. He started to catch himself sneaking peeks at Dean when Dean wasn't looking; he noticed himself initiating more casual contact with Dean, more accidental brushes, more manly hugs and pats on the back.

It isn't something that he's ever admitted to anybody, and he doesn't plan to. He is not going to give some grand coming-out speech to anybody; first off, he's dealing with way too much to even be sure what the hell his sexual orientation is, and second of all, it isn't like it even matters. Seamus knows the chances of him having any sort of romance with Dean is impossible, not least because Dean's on the run. He knows they probably won't even see each other ever again. He'll probably end up dead soon after finishing Hogwarts, and that's if the Carrows don't snap and kill him before then. Not to mention, he doesn't even know if Dean's alive at the moment.

He shakes that thought out of his head. He can't let himself think that way. Seamus wants to die thinking '_at least Dean's alive_'. Until he receives proof that Dean has died, he's going to make himself believe that Dean is alive and unhurt and well, because it's easier - and isn't his life difficult enough right now? He doesn't need to torture himself further with the possible idea of Dean's death.

"I miss you, man," he whispers right before he enters the common room. Everyone's there, just like he expected, just like it's been for the past few months. Fay passes him a Pain-killing Potion, and he chugs it down in one sip. It tastes terrible - always has - but he's somewhat used to the taste of it now; he's had it enough times since September.

Lavender hugs him, making him wince slightly - the potion takes a little while to take effect - as he pats her shoulder. "'M fine," he says, just as he always does, and Lavender huffs at him, just like she usually does.

"You're an idiot, you know that?" she says, but she doesn't sound mean.

"At least your face looks better this time," Romilda says. Lavender gives her a pointed look, and she shrugs. "What? Last time he came in and I could barely recognize the bloke. He's healed a bit since then." She peers at him. "What'd you do this time, anyway?"

"Told Amycus Carrow he was an idiot," Seamus says, as Neville rolls his eyes. "Oh, shut it, you. 'Least I never implied that Alecto and Amycus were doing it."

Neville sighs, even though Seamus is about ninety-five percent sure he's secretly proud of that one. "Yes, you have implied that," Neville says. "More than once."

"Yeah, well, you were the one that started that," he says. He can't help but wonder what Dean's role in this would be if he were here. It always goes the same way; this group always does the same exact thing, but Dean isn't that predictable. He can't imagine Dean always reacting the same way. Dean's different - he's not like them. He changes things up; he isn't as set in his ways.

For a little while they stay there, just hanging out, trying to make-believe that everything is normal. As though Seamus can block out the memory of being tortured - as though any of them can. As though they can pretend that somebody's not down there in the dungeons right now. It feels strange to be sitting here in the common room talking and laughing, even though they've done it before. It feels strange every time, and Seamus can't help but notice how incredibly _wrong _that is.

They're teenagers. They're seventeen - hell, Romilda's fifteen. They should be worrying about relationships and friendships and ridiculous, shallow things like who's the prettiest girl or handsomest boy. They shouldn't be tortured. They shouldn't be meeting in secret to practice as much DADA as possible in preparation for who-knows-what. They should be living their lives, but they aren't.

Seamus wishes that the Carrows weren't here. He wishes things were back to normal, so that he could see Dean, be with him, even if it stayed platonic. He misses Dean more than anything, but in the grand scheme of things, it seems so minor. It isn't as though Dean is the only one missing; from their year alone, there's Harry, Ron, Hermione, Sally-Anne, Lisa, Stephen, and Justin in addition to Dean. It's silly to be worrying about one person, but he can't help it.

Nothing's going to change the way he feels about Dean. Nothing's going to change the fact that Dean isn't here, either. And so he waits and wishes for the day that he'll see Dean again, hoping that it comes quickly, knowing that it probably won't.


End file.
